Just because we've been in a relationship for so long, it doesn't mean it's mutual. For a while I didn't even know we were together. Because you're sneaky like that.
You'd disappear for days, months, weeks. And just when I thought you were gone...you'd show up uninvited.
I had places to go and people to see. But apparently the plans with you I never agreed to were always more important. Sometimes I'd make it out the door, but not without you trailing behind waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
You tricked me into thinking anyone or anything good that came my way must be a mistake. That I'm not good enough. That I'm not worthy.
You've tried so hard for so long to turn me against myself. But you'll never win. And I feel kind of sorry for you.
Because without me, you're just nothing.
You've taken so much from me and now it's my turn to take everything away from you.
I'm blocking your number and deleting you off my "friends" list. Don't even bother with your key; I'm changing the locks.
This is a piece I wrote one night to try and paint a picture for myself, and wasn't sure what to make of it. In an effort to shed (even just a sliver of) light on this, I decided to share. Mental health is not as black and white as it may seem and although it is more widely talked about, I still believe there is a stigma surrounding it - which more often than not stems from a lack of understanding.
Anxiety manifests in many different forms. What is triggering to one person may not have the same effect on another. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, other times it feels like you've been hit by a truck and are out of commission for a week. There is no right or wrong...it just is. This is just my own interpretation and experience — at first not understanding how or why I think, feel, and act the way I do, but slowly realizing (after years) that I will be okay and that I am not my thoughts. I am okay.
And I hope this will help someone out there understand or help you feel less alone.